Sorry but I don’t believe I can ever love

I love my kids, my family, and my friends. I love God; I love myself. These things I know.

I have been in love a few times. Cliché, so it can be easy for me to say. But have I really loved? Or has anyone really ever loved for that matter?

Maybe this is not meant to be read by those who are still young, and believe that somewhere, there’s an Edward Cullen, or Prince Charming around. Kids deserve to dream, so I’d give them that.

But as much as we don’t want to believe or admit, our growth is hampered by our emotions, and our maturity held back by fairy tales. So instead of stories being patterned in real life, we tend to pattern our lives on stories. Therefore, we become hopeless romantics, and we fall in love with the idea of love itself.

So I don’t believe in love. But don’t ever think this as a result of trauma, bitterness or failed relationships; although there’s truth in the latest. It did not however, give trauma or bitterness, but realization to what is really out there.

I believe in attraction and how you long to be with someone that you recently met. But I do know that time will come that you will tire just looking and wondering why you wake up with the same person everyday.

I believe in infatuation, and how you can’t think about anything else than being with the other person. Though I do know that to grow fonder can mean to love the person, but does not necessarily mean that they will stay in love.

I believe how your heart beats faster every time you’re around him or her. But in time, your heart won’t beat faster anymore. It will tick rather, just enough for you to live.

I believe in relationships, and how you gain and give trust and respect. But sooner or later, temptation will take out trust and rule out respect.

I believe in promises, compromises and growing old together. But promises are always broken, and no one admits that they don’t want to compromise, and that all we will ever want is a companion when our gray hair keeps coming out.

I believe in love songs and still cry in love stories. But there’s no such thing as happy endings. Most of the time, it just ends.

And although not every relationship is bound to end, and forgiveness and happiness can still be achieved, it seems impossible to love eternally.

Love is indistinguishable to perfection.

So who could ever love but God? Probably the most popular chapter in the Holy Bible is the 13th of the First Book of Corinthians. So for those who say they have loved or have been in love, you may think again. For here is what the holy book says:

Love is patient – But is patience being tired of waiting for them to love you back? Or getting frustrated because he’s not able to keep his promise? Or being anxious on waiting for our loved one to come home?

Love is kind – But can we ever be kind when we can’t even be considerate of what others would feel?

Love does not envy – Yet we take pride in our loved one’s jealousy. Or heedless to say, we always compete with our partner, in one way or another. At the back of our heads, we don’t want them to be joyous if we are apart.

Love does not boast – Can you ever give or receive flowers or gifts without showing them around? I don’t think so. Even the simplest form of flaunting is boasting.

Love is not proud – But we seldom admit that we have done wrong. Most people who are in love gain a boosted ego when the other admits that they faulted. I am guilty of this, aren’t you?

Love is not rude – Yet we say bad things to one another when we’re angry. And even if we apologize and say that we don’t mean them, we do. Everything that comes out of our mouth, angry or not, are either meant or at least half-meant.

Love is not self-seeking – Even if we say that we lost our self to the one we love, and that we don’t know our true selves anymore. None of our motives is ENTIRELY, and I stress the word, selfless.

Love is not easily angered – This goes out to all women in relationships. I think I don’t need to say more.

Love keeps no record of wrongs – Does forgive and not forget ring a bell? Pretty straight-forward.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth - But everyone lies, black or white. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you”, as they say. But it is also said that “No secret is forever kept.”

Love always protects – If we can protect them from hurt, and avoid inflicting them pain, then maybe we can always protect them.

Love always trusts – One time or another, even if we don’t actually do it, at the back of our heads, everyone wants to cheat. And therefore we are all spies.

Love always hopes – We can always hope; for the betterment of the other person, or for all the good things. What’s hard is to hope for them selflessly.

Love always perseveres – We persevere if we are patient

Love never fails – And finally, admit it or not, everyone fails to possess everything that precedes this criterion.

I do not possess all of these. Not one, not even close to having one. I am full of flaws, impatient, selfish and easily angered.

So maybe I can feel attraction which could lead to infatuation or maybe affection. But I do know that it will eventually die out. And so I just accept the fact that I can never be in love, and try to be satiable with what I have and what I can get. Though I’m not saying that that it’s high time everyone think the same. But we should never get our hopes too high, so as not to get frustrated, or hurt. For we can only love in the eternal world; and in this promiscuous WORLD of OURS, there’s no such thing as FOREVER, much less HAPPY EVER AFTER.