RECALLING REDEN

He was the reason I know what "hero-worship" means. Other people may know that I did have a crush on him when I was 10 and he was 19 but no one knew how much input he has in my life. Oftentimes adults don't think having crushes at a young age matters. But I can testify that it definitely does.

I just turned 32 a few days ago and I've been trying to contemplate how I lived my life. I started to search for my grade school friends and suddenly remembered my first crush. I wondered what he looked like after 22 years. Well, following describes the saga of my search and recollection:

1. I searched for his name on Facebook. His name was not common so I thought I won't have a hard time finding him.

2. Unfortunately, there were hardly any match. The only match I found of Redentor San Diego was on Perth, Australia. Plus it was only a baby picture on his private profile.

3. Then I searched for Reden San Diego. No luck.

4. I went back on the Redentor San Diego from Australia. I was thinking maybe he migrated and now lives there. It's possible, so I opted to add him to my FB friend's list hoping to see his picture.

5. It hadn't been easy though. See the Redentor San Diego that I added, unlike me would not just accept an invitation. He asked me if he knew me and from where. I asked if he was from Laguna, Philippines, as I wasn't even sure if he was Filipino.

6. He replied yes, he was from Laguna. Then I tried to tell him why I've been looking for the guy, that I had a big "baby" crush on the guy I was looking for who worked for PLDT in Liliw, Laguna.

7. He said yes, he was that guy and he was 19 then. At this point I got so excited to know that I found him, but he hasn't accepted my invitation. You can imagine how anxious I've been at this point. He then recognized the name of our Bakery but can't recall who I am.

8. I tried to remind him of who I was. That I was this rotund girl who used to call him all the time at 55-109. I gave him my name but he still can't put me into place. I didn't mind. All I care about is I found him.

9. While I was high with excitement, he accepted my request and finally saw his pictures. I told him I was alienated 'cause I can't recognize his face. He warned me that he got bigger, indeed he was from what I can remember. But that's not the sad part. The sad part was I recall every detail about him, but I can't remember how he looks like.

10. He apologized for the disappointment, thinking I was disappointed of how he looks like. Here was my reply:

"who says i'm disappointed? time won't change anything. you're still a part of who i came to be. my biggest and first crush, first guy i cried on. first name I played FLAMES with mine. you don't know how happy I was that I found you. time changes, but memories dont. ",

" guess what i tried to say earlier is that i remember every detail about you, even your red checkered polo and your maong na nakatupi palabas, and pagsabit mo sa jeep papuntang san pablo, but i cant remember how you looked like. I looked at your pictures and I'm trying to recall your face, medyo mahirap i-place of course, 20 yrs eh. still, this night is awesome"...

Upon writing this message, my tears fell and I was mad about how can he possibly think that I was disappointed in finding a part of my youth, of my memory.

I bet up to now he still doesn't know who I was, and I still don't know who he is. But the scene of looking at him in the morning sitting by the PLDT container van is still vivid in mind. And how I cried when I learned that he won't be assigned there anymore will never be erased...